A Tale of Desperation

Howdy Y'all: Wanna hear why I was 2 hours late for work last Tuesday? Three reasons: 1. Drugs, 2. Breaking and Entering, and 3. Cute Cute Duckies.
No, really!
See, we needed a prescrip that very day, so I had it all planned out: I was gonna get to the pharmacy as soon as it opened, get my prescrip filled, and then be back to Waterville in time for work at 10 am. So, I went out the door at 8:30, and you know that sinking feeling you get sometimes when you know you just did something incredibly stupid, but you're not yet sure what it was, and the consequences are roaring at you like a freight train going downhill? Well, it took me about a half a second to realize that, for the first time EVER, I locked myself out of the house with no keys. And see, if me and Hubby wouldn't be so neurotic, that would've been no problem because we would have had a key hidden somewhere outside. But, no. It couldn't be that easy.
So I stood on my porch for an hour (well, maybe 3 minutes), knowing that every window was locked (dang that neurosis!), knowing that I was going to check them all anyway. So I did. And then I dragged our 20 ft. ladder from behind the garden fence (totally forgetting that there was a much shorter and lighter one in the shed) over to the house and tried to lift it up so I could check the second floor windows, which I knew were also locked. Well, I say tried, because that bugger was so heavy, I couldn't get it where I needed it to be. And after the fact, I was glad because I surely would have fallen off, just because I'm me, and incurred serious injury and laid there all day and half the night till John got home from work and found my cold, dead face frozen into a scream of outrage. I really didn't want that to be his last memory of me.
So God, in His mercy, led me to breaking and entering. Yes, I'm afraid I used the handle of my rake to break a pane of glass out of my lovely 9-paned (now 8 glass and one Life cereal box and duct tape) back door. It was kind of thrilling in an illicit, I-Feel-Like-A-Cat-Burglar kind of way. It was ridiculously easy, and ridiculously messy. But I got in, darn it! and that's what makes me the winner (anybody remember that song?).
So, on to the pharmacy, after a quick stop at McConnell's Country Store (see, Glenn, I'm making up for my tardiness by plugging your good establishment) whereupon I informed my dear friend and co-worker Barb that I was going to be late. She took the news graciously, no doubt relieved to be spared my noisy and exuberant presence that much longer.
So, on to the pharmacy (I know I already said that, but I felt it needed to be re-iterated), where I waited for 45 MINUTES! for my prescrip. I walked out to my car, and lo and behold there were ducks (I bet you were all wondering where the cute cute duckies came in! You thought I made it up, didn't you) sitting behind said vehicle. There were three of them, a female and 2 male mallards. They started toward me in the vain hope that I would throw them something to eat. Alas, I had nothing that a duck would consider edible. So I tried to gently shoo them away, but I think their little ducky minds interpreted my shooing gestures as "Hey! Be Attentive! Food is forthcoming!" and they kept coming towards me. And I couldn't shake them off! Not that I tried overly hard, because they really were cute and I was hoping that I could get close enough to pet them. (Sorry, Glenn, but you know when cute critters come in the picture, all thoughts of work leave my brain.) They finally got tired of waiting for food, and blew me off, waddling away in search of a more generous soul than I. And, in case you're wondering, there's a huge duck pond right not too far from the pharmacy, so that's why I wasn't all that worried about them. I knew where they came from.
So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Have a good day.
Till Next Time,
The Sparrow
PS: My still-neurotic Hubby and myself screwed the door shut, just in case you were thinking felonious thoughts, so it now doesn't open at all, and no, we still haven't put a key outside.